Food Addicts In Recovery Anonymous

088. First Stop: Refrigerator

Standing at the refrigerator looking for something—anything—to change the way I felt, I heard myself admit, “I do not know how to eat,” and I started to cry. Ironically, I was the class clown, the jokester, and above all, I wanted you to like me. I lost weight after gaining the freshman 50 in college, and I thought that would solve my problems. It didn’t. Then, I thought getting married would make everything better. It didn’t. In another Twelve Step program, I listened to people talk about obsession, compulsion, and negative thinking. My truth was that I knew all of these things were very much alive in me. I also realized that I was sitting in those meetings high on sugar, wondering, am I really even sober? When I joined Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I was given the gift of open-mindedness. Having always been a rebel and a hippie, I liked to do things my way. In FA, a still, small voice said, “Take your sponsor’s suggestions.” It was then I decided not to joke around anymore, and no questioning, litigating, or fighting either. To my surprise, I’ve found amazing freedom in that. Today, I live in a healthy body, with a spirit that shines.

087. Finding My Value and My Voice

At the age of thirty and weighing 207 pounds, I was living a hopeless life. My existence was one of self-loathing, never feeling like I belonged. As a young person, I started hiding food, which began a cycle of guilt and shame over my eating. I fantasized that by going away to college I would make myself over into a new person. Instead, college was defined by a lot of eating, a lot of drinking, and a lot of crushes on men who didn’t know I was alive. After graduating, I continued finding myself in unfulfilling relationships and jobs that sucked the life out of me. When you think you are worthless, it’s really hard to make rational decisions. When I finally found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), my sponsor encouraged me to talk about myself instead of hiding behind a protective, permanent grin. I learned to put myself and my recovery first. In FA, I grew physically smaller - by 60 pounds! - but my voice grew much larger. In fact, I’m singing again, which is bringing me great joy. Today, I am becoming someone I never even dreamt I could be, and I couldn’t be more thankful.

086. You Can Do This

At nine years old, eating five meals a day and snacking in between, I thought I was ugly and I hated my body. In high school, at 217 pounds, my friends thought I was the strong one, but I never really showed what was happening inside. My twenties were a complete blur. I started a new diet every Monday morning, but by 10 a.m., I’d say, “forget it.” I’d try again on Tuesday without any luck, and by Wednesday, I’d rationalize – “It’s almost the weekend, so I’ll just start again next Monday.” Repeat, repeat, repeat. Diets, self-help books, podcasts, motivational speeches, yoga retreats, I even became a life coach – and wound up at 265 pounds. Then, I met a woman who’d been in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) for over twenty years. When she shared how much she loved herself, I decided right then – “Whatever she’s doing, I’m doing it, too.” Today, I’m in a healthy body, I’ve found peace and joy in living, and I truly love myself. It feels like a miracle the way FA has transformed my entire life. Believe me, FA works. And if I can do this, so can you.

085. How I Got My Life Back

I was just miserable. Ashamed. Desperate. Somehow, I had eaten my way to being 80 pounds overweight. What I could wear on a Friday wouldn’t fit by Sunday night. Willpower is something I have in spades, but I was no match for the phenomenon of craving that occurred when my addiction to food kicked in. In truth, I was a person of great extremes, and at one point in my life, I had restricted my way down to an unhealthy 103 pounds. The turning point came when I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), and the relief was immediate. I came to a meeting and found a sponsor who helped guide me through the program. I learned that weight was a symptom of a deeper disease that affected how I was making life decisions. In FA, I lost weight and, more importantly, learned to accept who I am. I’ve learned to cut other people (and myself) some slack, I am a more forgiving person, and I have a far greater sense of peace and serenity. I have learned how to sit with discomfort without eating my way through it. Now, I can show up for my life, regardless of the challenges thrown my way.

084. A Miraculous Transformation

Plagued by a lifetime of anxiety and repeated hospitalizations for depression, this transgender man took refuge in food. As his addiction progressed, everyday tasks and the most basic self-care seemed impossible. With anger issues escalating at work, diabetes so out of control he was losing his eyesight, and thousands of dollars spent on therapy, things were only getting worse. He knew he couldn’t continue eating addictively, but he simply could not stop. This, he said, was a loneliness like no other. At his first Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meeting, he realized that he was not broken and he was not alone. In FA, he found a whole new life -- a life of peace and freedom that he never dreamed possible.

083. From Isolation to Collaboration

I grew up a middle child in a single parent family, until my life changed at the age of five when I moved in with my aunt and uncle. I would eat everything in the kitchen, and then deny, deny, deny -- or blame it on the dog.  At school, I felt like a square peg in a round hole and was often in trouble for misbehaving. After school, I would prepare a packaged meal with eight servings and then eat it all before destroying the evidence. I started drinking at 14, which led to an addiction to pain medication. Finding AA brought sobriety, but I still felt something was wrong, so I filled up my life with busyness. College classes, starting a business, and taking on an internship, I was on the go from 6 am to 10 pm and eating around the clock. After two failed marriages, I found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous and quickly lost weight. Through studying the 12 steps, I have developed a connection with a Higher Power; I am able to show up for my family and ailing mother rather than avoiding life’s challenges, and at work, instead of isolating, I’m collaborating with a team. Today, with trust and reliance on God, I know I’m going to be ok. What could be better?!

082. At 300 Pounds, Everything Hurt

While putting food on the table and keeping the lights on were ongoing challenges at home, my family showed their love through large quantities of food. At school, I was always the biggest person in my class. TV shows and magazines about weight loss only made the cravings worse. I worked hard at the gym and then rewarded myself with food. Once I had my own money and was able to buy what I wanted, my food addiction really took off. At 300 pounds, everything hurt. I had high blood pressure and was pre-diabetic. With heart disease rampant in my family, I knew if I didn’t get into recovery, I’d be dead very soon. I had heard about Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous, but - no flour, no sugar? No way! Then I heard a little voice say, “Let’s just go check this out.” My plan was to lose weight, get married, and leave. Long story short, I lost weight, got married, and stayed. What is my life like now? Amazing. I could still be that 300-pound person waking up every day saying, “I don’t want to do this,” shoving myself into my size 24 clothes. Instead, I get to show up for life as my authentic self; asking for help, loving those around me, loving myself, and loving my life.

081. Made A Decision

She did not have weight to lose, but knew she was in serious trouble with binge eating. Repeated trips to fast food and convenient stores looking for “pep” and answers in food, she was overwhelmed, hopeless, and certain Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) couldn’t help. The more she ate, the emptier she felt. Today she feels content and satisfied, and she gets to be the best version of herself. She’s one of thousands who prove that the FA program works for anyone who truly wants to recover from food addiction.

080. Ninety Pound Pendulum

I was an anxiety-ridden child. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and felt as if I just never fit in. Looking for relief, I made food my solution. I hoarded food, stole food, and stole money to buy food. Graduating to other substances, I was smoking cigarettes at eleven years old, and using alcohol and marijuana by sixteen. When my doctor prescribed diet pills and then more diet pills, I was rocking the world. Finally, I didn’t have that insatiable need to eat. I was animated! I was fun! But every time I lost a large amount of weight, it would always come right back on. For years, even after my marriage and the birth of my daughter, I was miserable and in a deep hole of despair. When I finally came to a Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous meeting, sick, tired, angry, and resentful, I felt something I hadn’t felt before: hope. Today, I’m grateful to be in a healthy, right-sized body, with a beautiful network of friends who understand what I’ve been through. I’ve found a loving Higher Power and a life of peace and serenity. I’m a “satisfied customer,” and I’m going to keep coming back.

079. Ticking Time-Bomb

As a kid, I would eat everything that was put in front of me and then go back for seconds. But I was thin, so my weight wasn’t an issue. As I grew up, I ate to escape: from work stress, from family relationships, and from fear in general. I was wracked with so much worry and resentment that, night after night, I had difficulty sleeping. I turned to food in the shape of huge meals, constant snacking, and eating again before bed. I was buying two to three bottles of antacids at a time to deal with my reflux. My doctor, whom I’d known and trusted for years, told me point-blank: “Your weight is unacceptable.” Dangerously high blood pressure and a myriad of other issues were threatening my health. I had to find a way to not only lose weight, but to keep it off. Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) has transformed my life. Slowly but surely, I practiced replacing fear with faith. Now that I’ve been in FA for over sixteen years, why do I keep coming? The longer I work the FA program and the Twelve Steps, the better my life gets. It’s been a wonderful journey.