Food Addicts In Recovery Anonymous

078. The Secret is to Stay

From my earliest memories, I was never satisfied. No matter how much I got, I wanted more. I felt like everyone else had life’s instruction manual, but I felt alone and awkward. In school I found my solace in food and Teen Beat magazine. After college, I decided a geographical cure would solve my problems, hoping that as soon as I crossed the border into Minnesota, I would be able to stop eating. Next, I tried Florida and Colorado, each time doing a round of souvenir eating before leaving. By then I was out of a job, had a multitude of health problems, and my relationships were a mess. I tried everything: acupuncture, therapy, coaching, wilderness retreats. I was completely stuck. Then my cousin introduced me to Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), and from my first meeting, I saw hope. I always thought that if I loved myself, I would change how I ate. In FA, the reverse happened. I stopped eating addictively, and I started to love myself. In this program I became debt-free, I found the courage to date and marry my wonderful partner, and I learned to enjoy meaningful relationships.

077. An Abundance of Miracles

I grew up an only child with two loving parents, but my expectations were so high I never believed anyone loved me enough. I was left with a deep emptiness that I tried to fill with food, constantly fantasizing about what I’d eat next, and figuring out how to sneak food without anyone seeing. When my parents would go out at night, I could eat whatever I wanted, oscillating in my own Bermuda Triangle: the kitchen, the couch, and the TV. My parents had been sick for my entire life, and I did not know how to process my feelings. Food was the only thing I could rely on, so I just kept eating. I walked into my first Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meeting at 17 years old, weighing 241 pounds, and I can tell you, FA works. This program is for everyone. Not only have I gone from a size 24 to a size 4, I have also been given language to talk about my feelings and healthy tools to deal with whatever life throws my way.

076. I Can’t Go. I Have To Mow My Lawn.

At 58 years of age, I argued that I didn’t really eat much, but you don’t get to be 300 pounds without eating. In reality, I was a fast food guy in denial. I never ate breakfast, but I would stop at the drive-thru, eat in my car, and binge all day at the office. I had high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes. When my doctor gave me the foodaddicts.org website and asked me to attend at least one FA meeting, my main excuse was that I had acres of lawn to mow that would take several hours each Saturday. Coming from a small, rural community, I lived a small, isolated life. On finding FA and recovery from food addiction, my world opened up. Through the program, I gradually found my Higher Power and the time for my recovery. I have met wonderful people from around the world who are my support network. I am so grateful for my health: my cholesterol is now perfect, and I have no more blood sugar issues. Also, I upgraded my lawnmower. No more excuses!

075. Overcoming Survivor’s Guilt

At 18 years old and 295 pounds, I was trapped in the downward spiral of food addiction. When I heard about Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I thought, “No way will I ever set foot in one of those meetings." I was diagnosed with cerebral palsy as an infant and I lost a sibling at a young age. Experiencing grief and survivor’s guilt, I thought, “How could there be a Higher Power when so many terrible things happen?”  Even when I did open the FA door and heard people telling stories that matched my own, I did not think the program was for me. My plan was to just lose weight and leave FA as soon as possible. What happened instead was that my life completely changed. Yes, I lost weight, but more importantly, in FA, I learned how to be me and how to live authentically. Getting out of my active food addiction allowed me to be present for the cancer treatment and eventual passing of my mother, meet my incredible wife, become a father, and pursue a true passion in life. At 31, I feel so grateful that I no longer have to eat addictively. I no longer have to live in fear. I can show up for my life today, one day at a time.

074. I Found Hope

Nineteen years old, 245 lbs., and completely out of control with food, I could not get it together to apply to colleges, get my driver’s license, or even get out of bed. Lonely and depressed, “eh, whatever” became my mantra. Even after losing 100 pounds in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), I still treated my program as a diet. When I started to put weight back on, I got honest and became serious about recovery. Since then, I have grown up in FA. My professional and personal lives have flourished. I’ve handled jobs with increasing responsibility, met my husband, moved to a new state, and bought a house. Today, I live in gratitude – sharing this program with others as it was so generously shared with me.

073. Always Running, Running, Running

On the outside, she would light up a room with smiles and positive energy. A competitive athlete who also had a penchant for traveling the world, her life looked like a dream. On the inside, however, she was plagued with deep insecurity and anxiety from a young age. When poor body image crossed paths with always wondering if she would ever fit in, she began to exercise excessively to make up for the large quantities of food she was consuming. She looked great in a bikini but was binging her way around the world. She was miserable while training for marathons because she was so busy obsessing about food, constantly baking for friends, and wondering why others loved her when she didn’t love herself. Only in Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) did she see the extent of her exercise bulimia. She committed to recovery in FA and finally took the time to find her true self. In FA she found love, first for herself, and then with a life partner. After facing fertility issues, their daughter was born – something she had never dreamed would be in her future. Today her life is lived in gratitude and service to others, giving back what she has so generously been given.

072. 10,000-Calorie Binges

Fueled by willpower, high moral standards, and determination, I successfully controlled my weight for extended periods. However, by my early twenties, my eating was out of control and I was overweight and hopeless. After each 10,000 calorie binge, I would curl up in bed crying in pain and swear this would be the last time, knowing I could not stay stopped. I tried therapy to deal with my overeating, but never told my psychiatrist the quantities I ate. Yoga, meditation, running, working out at the gym, and acupuncture could not stop me from eating food from the trash and bingeing in café restrooms. Only when I admitted total failure and became willing to follow the clear suggestions of my Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) fellowship did I experience relief in the form of recovery. What keeps me in FA after years of abstinence? A life of self-reflection and sanity is far better than living in the emotional and physical misery of food addiction. (Recorded Live)

071. Put in the Cork, Picked Up the Fork

Over time, she went from being a picky eater, to an under-eater, to an emotional eater, to a binge eater. After getting sober in another 12-step program, her eating got completely out of control, and she realized she was still practicing a lethal addiction. To control her weight, she trained at the gym at 4am, spent money on herbal concoctions, and listened to subliminal meditations. After joining the military and facing regular body weigh-ins, she risked losing promotions. When she found Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), she experienced success, but she left the program and got back into eating addictively. When she returned to FA with a new focus on honesty, commitment, and the 12 Steps, her journey of recovery evolved from “I have to” to “I want to.”

070. It’s About Gratitude, Y’all

I’d heard about Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA), but at my first meeting, when I didn’t see anyone who looked like me, I assumed no one there would understand my culture. I had gained and lost 50 to 100 pounds over and over again, and kept trying diets, extreme exercise, weight loss gurus, positive affirmation coaches, and bulimia. I even had a high-risk lap band surgery. Nothing worked. I was so full of self-hatred, I called myself “the lap band loser.” When I met another Person of Color who assured me that if they could do the FA Program, so could I, miracles began. No one in FA asked me how many miles I ran or if I counted calories; they asked me what I was grateful for. Today, I can be honest about who I am, inside and out. I have a sponsor, a host of friends, and a Higher Power who loves me. Most importantly, in FA, I am learning to love myself. (Recorded Live)

069. If You Liked Me, I Liked You

Battling the war with food and dieting for 20 years, this African-American woman was constantly looking for anything on the outside that could make her feel better on the inside. An overachiever, she could work highly demanding professional jobs, shoving down caffeine and sugar. On weekends, she holed up at home in her bathrobe, ordering takeout and feeling suicidal. Nothing at the grocery store or in a restaurant was enough. No food was bringing her freedom – only more pain. When she found herself losing the ability to make sound moral judgments, she got scared. When she went to her first Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) meeting at age 25, she found a simple, straightforward program that included talking to long-time FA members, reading the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and prayer. Living an amazing life today, she knows that only a powerful program of recovery can beat the disease of food addiction. (Recorded Live)